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You can feel the earth begin to warm and stir deep below you. The days slowly grow longer. The quality of the light begins to change.
When I have coffee in my hot tub in the morning (I know…don't hate me), the songs of birds begin to pepper the air before the sun is fully up, where in the months before, there had been a lush stillness. Windows open, air moving through the closed den that has been my house during the winter months. The cats are uber-frisky, and yet can't stand the instability in the temperature of the outside world, and glare at me as if I could stop it if I really wanted to, but that I am just being spiteful and difficult, thus making their world a living hell of inconvenience for them.
Inside, outside. Too cold, too hot, too windy, too snowy. They enact their revenge…the front door opens and closes and opens and closes…
Spring challenges us to ride the uncertainty. To be patient. To enjoy the weather right now, because 10 minutes from now, some other weather front will have moved in and shifted everything.
Right now, and right now, and right now.
This last week has been extraordinarily challenging, being reminded over and over again of this.
"Is this project happening? No, it got pushed back. Is this move taking place? No, it is not. Actually, now it looks like it is. I am interested in this person, they seem to be interested in me, no, whoops, I guess not. Do you have a massage appointment available in 30 minutes? Great. Sorry, have to cancel. Wow, I didn't see that coming! That is a surprising new development! Cool?…This is a sure thing. No actually it is not. That will never happen…hey! Guess what just happened! Getting on my flight. Damn! Flight delayed."
It has been more even than just outside, external circumstances. My internal, emotional landscape has flowed from happiness, contentment, sadness, disappointment, panic, anger, restfulness, restlessness, calm focus, and debilitating self-doubt in quick succession. All I can do is observe, breathe, and say, "Wow…look at that. Look at you feeling that and thinking those thoughts. That is fascinating. Let's hang out here for another couple of minutes and see if anything shifts with that, okay? Great, let's do that."
So, I do, and it does.
Sometimes it is like looking through an old View-Master. You take a breath, close your eyes, click the lever, open your eyes, and a new scene is in your vision. Moment to moment.
It has knocked me off-balance a bit and yet it reminds me: Oh yeah, it is always like this, just maybe not so all at once. Things are always in flux, but the quality of our lives is determined by how adaptable we are to the shift.
A dear friend of mine and I caution each other, when we get blasted like this, to "put on the non-skid rubber boots and try and stay on deck." It is good advice. Bend your knees, plant your feet, and ride the waves right into the spring and beyond, 'cause the only thing you can count on is the never-ending crash of the waves. Maybe there is a kind of peace in that.
Jodeen Revere revels in her unconventional, multifaceted dream life. She is an actor, a writer, Thai yoga massage therapist, creative movement and dance enthusiast, and RYT-200 yoga teacher currently on an endless sabbatical. She writes a blog chronicling her cancertastic adventures. She loves writing, reading, viewing and heatedly discussing film, eating really good snacks, and chillin' with her cats Julian and Tilda. She is a kind and good-natured smart ass. She is very funny. Just ask her. Her favorite human, ever, is her daughter, Lily.